Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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