god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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