I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
