quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
