You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
