Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
