She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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