I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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