If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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