I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
