Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
