Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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