My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
