im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
