No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
