It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry about my life...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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