Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
