Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
