You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
