IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
