I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
