break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
