Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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