So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
