Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every concussion has its silver lining
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
