can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
