I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
