considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
