I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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