I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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