so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
