i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
