tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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