so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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