I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
