you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
