Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
