just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
