he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
