Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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