omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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