We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
