I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
