So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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