that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
