Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
