I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
