So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He shit in the fireplace
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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