You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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