Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
