just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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