Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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